Recoil

You want to take me back there
To the days that blackened my soul
Erase all the good work I have struggled to do
Please…
Back up
I am nauseous just feeling you…
The smell of your overly sweet aftershave
Is making me recoil in bitterness
The thought of your lips
Your eyes
The memory of your touch …
I cant breathe
It’s suffocating me
I am sick to my stomach
I don’t think I could vomit hard enough to get you out of me
Please
Don’t
Don’t look at me…
You have inflicted enough carnage
Just a breath is bringing me to my knees
My body cant take anymore
I cant go back to your grip
I need to scrape you out of me
But
You are a disease that I cant vaccinate against
I cant reach you
You’re so deep in my soul that I would be digging forever
I’d kill myself
Yet I am dying from your virus anyway
So does it matter?
I wish I could pass you on, give you away
Because you are bacteria
But I couldn’t hurt someone the way you have hurt me
I have to live with you forever
Always
I remember promising that once…
Ha
And you know me never break a fucking promise do I?
Promise, promise, promise PROMISE…
Oh God, I surrender, I’ll smash it to bits… I’ll…I’ll
Rip it out of my brain, I’ll get the pliers, that’ll do it right?
Why stop at that?
Might as well rip you out of there too
Take you out piece by piece
Eradicate this tumour,
If only I could reach you
I cant…
You’re too long gone
There shouldn’t be anything of you left
I hate you
All of you
You make me SICK
I would rather die than have this infection
You’re infection
They said that time would heal me
Time?? Time has become my drug
That drug won’t work
I breathe it, sleep with it
God I even fuck with it
It won’t work
It’s a waste…time…
Waste of time
I don’t need any more fucking time
I need you to leave…
Just get the hell out of my soul
I don’t want to think about you, imagine you, dream about you…
Ever again just leave me alone
Let me be…
But you wont…
I am the one holding the pen.